So tonight the OSM and I shared a few more hidden hours. After almost a month without seeing each other, it was beyond time to catch up. And seeing him was far more enlightening than I had anticipated. As I gushed about The Gentleman, his smile grew bigger and bigger. "It's so good to see you smitten." He said. And he's right, I am. I am smitten with The Gentleman. And to see the OSM be so happy for me was... wonderful.
One of the reasons I had put off dating for so long is my reluctance to give up my good guy friends. They are wonderful, and I can't imagine my life without them. And then The Gentleman came along, and trusted me enough to keep them. Even my hidden hours. I can have both. In this particular case, I get to have my cake and eat it too.
As we talked, the OSM and I covered many topics. One of which was my frustration with God. Just beneath the surface, I have discovered a boiling anger. One I talk myself out of constantly, using reason to try and defuse the discontent. He is God. I trust Him. I know His ways are higher than mine. I know He loves me. I know He works for my good. And yet... prayer after prayer gets 'NO' over and over and I can't figure out why. I don't understand why He doesn't let me move forward. At this, the OSM sighed.
Firstly, he said, look at your life. Do you see all the newness? You're in a new relationship, and it makes you glow. You're in a new job that you've been with for less than 60 days. Your life is flooded with newness. And it made me stop and think. He was right. My life is flooded with newness. New experiences. New people. New situations. New job opportunities. So much newness.
He looked at me and smiled, "I understand your frustration," He said. "But I've learned that God often uses the TTT method."
"The TTT method?" I asked, curious.
"Touch, Tap, Two by Four." I couldn't help but laugh, he was right. "At first, God touches you, brushes you lightly on the skin. 'There is something I want to show you,' He says. But you ignore Him. Then He taps you, 'No, really, you need to see this.' But you respond again, 'Yea, God, next Monday works great for us to have this conversation.' And so He sighs, and smacks you in the head with a two by four and then He has your full attention, which is the only thing He's been asking for this whole time."
And isn't that how it works so often? We're so stubborn, that it's only the lessons by 2x4 that we learn. And sometimes, even with the TTT lessons, we need 2x4 after 2x4 to fully learn it. Sometimes, our frustration with God stems not from Him, but from our own density.
I'm grateful for the tap that the OSM gave me tonight. I don't want a 2x4 to make me realize all the newness that has defined my life of late. His tap was enough to get me to realize it. If you're in the same situation as me, praying for newness over and over again in the midst of frustration; please take a look around and tell me if everything isn't made new. Look at your life, look at who you are, and see if it isn't made new.
See if you aren't a wildly different person than you were than when you first started praying for newness. See, please see, how much you've moved.
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