Day Two Hundred and Twenty Six - The Wisdom of Waiting

Today, I took the first step in a new direction, just to see what it felt like. Just to give it a little test. I was expecting the big rush of getting ready for a big change in a quick way. That... didn't happen. The first step got met with a 'nice dream, girl, unfortunately, it's gonna be a year at least. We can put you on the waiting list... but...'. I smiled, nodded, and I'm on the waiting list. Chances are slim I'll get to start this fall. Which... might work better. There are still some other things I'd like to have the time to finish up before starting down this new path. Pay off some things, save up a little, figure out how to get what I need for the classes, find a job that works with the time of the classes, etc. 

Going in and talking to an adviser today was spontaneous, but I feel better knowing what I'll need to plan for. The more I think about it, starting this a year from now is a much better idea than starting it in a month. Though I admit, when I first heard that I probably couldn't start this year, my heart sank in my chest. I really felt as if this is something I need to pursue, and it's hard to be told 'no'. But the wisdom of waiting clearly became apparent. 

I often get impatient when it comes to change. When I want it, I want it now. Once the idea is in my head, I can't get it out. Like cutting my hair. I'm chopping it all off next spring. But not until next spring. Even now that's hard for me. My brain keeps telling me, 'if you want it, do it now'. But I don't want to do it now. I want my long hair for another fall and winter, and then I want to take a crazy risk in the spring.

And it sounds a little insane, even to me. But I want to try. Like my hair, it's something I just have to try. If I don't like it, I don't have to finish. If I hate my hair, it'll grow back. But I only get this one life. I have only so much time to live it. I want to fill it with so many things. And sometimes I feel a little panicked. Surely I should have more of it figured out by now?

The thing I just have to keep reminding myself is this simple truth: I am still so very young.