Day Two Hundred and Thirty Three - Good To Be Back

Tonight was unexpectedly fantastic. Sort of out of the blue an old friend showed up on my porch. And I have to be honest here, was so much cooler than I had anticipated. Don't get me wrong, she's always been beautiful and down to earth. But to find out that while our deepest passions are similar, so are our dirty minds, was just priceless. On top of it, we both have interests in Des Moines that I highly anticipate will take us there together fairly often this summer. Tonight just could not have gotten any better.

Now, as the summer stretches on before me in the throws of the unknown, at least I'm looking forward to it rather than staring at the days blankly wondering what on earth I'm going to do with them.

And yet... as I reflect on the genius that is playing spades with good friends, I cannot help but realize that, unfortunately, this night will have its consequences. Tomorrow, I might lose a friend that I will always have a special place for in my heart. The break will not be my choice, but I'll concede to it nonetheless. And perhaps, it is indeed what is best for both of us. I can't handle any more of his passive aggressive emotional bullshit, and he can't handle me going on a date with someone other than him.

It is my hope that the unnecessary drama will end there, but I'm not holding my breath. I don't understand why two people trying their hand at happiness should create so much drama, but I'm not ignorant of the fact that it might. I just want to take this small opportunity to express how much I don't give a shit. If you think it's a good thing: good for you! I'm glad you see things similarly to me and think this is a fantastic thing. If you don't: good for you! You have formed your own opinion and have every right to it. It's just not going to affect me in the least. I have already consulted the people closest to me, whom I love and trust and value their insights, and have received a full blessing.

As I take a deep breath and finish tonight's thought, I cannot help but smile and think 'It's good to be back'. Doing my own thing, learning my own way, and enjoying each step of the way. A few steps forward and a few steps backward and you've got yourself a solid cha-cha. Because life is a dance and I've been on the bench a little too long. I'm happy. I'm at peace. I'm excited. And nothing and no one is going to take that away from me.