I plan, a lot. Mostly, it calms me down. I enjoy lists. I list everything. And yet... I have an equal love for spontaneity. I cannot tell you the amount of times that I have had my evenings all planned out just to get a random invitation and at the last minute completely change everything. I did that yesterday, actually. I was going to splurge and get wings from BWW and watch a musical with my friend. Instead, we went to a bonfire and drank delicious drinks, listened to beautiful music, and were the very definition of the word relaxed.
Because life is not made of lists. Life is made of moments. Lists aren't bad because organization isn't bad. But they are not what life is made of. And like all things in my life, I have to learn to balance organization and chaos. So I'm experimenting this week. Instead of planning out my entire week in groceries like usual, I'm going to try just going with general moods. I'm in the mood for cold salads, some of which should have fruit. So I'm just going to go the store and stay within budget and see how the week goes. Because being so tightly wound tonight damn near snapped me in half.
I made lunches and breakfasts for the next two days, did all of the dishes, folded all of the laundry, and various other little chores that needed to be done. And something in me felt like it was about to break in half. Usually cooking calms me down. This time, all I wanted to do was throw the pasta against the wall and scream at it for being such a pain in my ass. I think... I think I lost the joy I usually find in cooking because I had just over planned it, allowing no room for spontaneity.
Balance. Sometimes it is time to plan, sometimes it is time to just go with the flow, and sometimes it is time for both. Both are equally me. One is not better than the other. I embrace them both. They are good friends, not enemies. They are two sides to the same coin. Sanity. Balance.
Just like every night cannot be an early night, even if I work the next morning. Some nights have to be spent awake and enjoying the stars even if it means I need two extra cups of coffee in the morning. I must not forget that above all, all I am doing is living. And a life where I feel like I'm constantly about to snap is no life worth living.
Both. Both sides. Both are good. Both are necessary. Both make my life better, both make my life simpler, both are equally me.
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