Everything has its pros and cons. Well. Almost everything. I have no desire to get into full blown discussions of what 'everything' is. There are somethings that are just fucking awful. I'm not talking about those things.
I'm talking about not getting the job in Madison. It hurt, not getting it. I cried. I did. A lot. But thankfully, I was already on Skype with Anthem. I'm not going to give you the details of our conversation, that's for us. I am going to tell you my conclusion.
I'm tired of being stressed out. I'm tired of being so worried about money all the time. Screw money. I still need it, but I'm done obsessing about it. I really, honestly, trust God. God gave me Anthem. He knows my needs and my hopes and my dreams. Better than I do. And this stress is killing me and stealing my joy. No more. I'm still willing to work, as hard as I need to, 3 jobs if need be, and to push the wall but I'm fucking done worrying about it all the time.
And, might I add, to be honest... I'm a little happy, and a little relieved. I'm not saying part of me isn't disappointed, because part of me is. But another part of me is happy. Not moving to Madison means I get to move in with my heterosexual life partner as soon as humanly possible. Not moving to Madison means I don't have to be around those hateful Badger fans. Not moving to Madison means I get yet another chance to make my community a better place to live. There are pros. I had to look for them at first, but they do exist.
And I am at peace. Anthem still loves me, my friends are still the best in the world, and God is going to handle this better than I can, if I just let go and give it to Him. So... I'm going to go chase my passions and see what happens. I'll keep you updated.
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